The Collapse of Parenting

The Collapse of Parenting

How We Hurt Our Kids When We Treat Them Like Grown-ups : the Three Things You Must Do to Help your Child or Teen Become A Fulfilled Adult

Book - 2016
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Leonard Sax argues that rising levels of obesity, depression, and anxiety among young people - as well as parents' dependence on psychiatric medications to fix such problems - can all be traced back to parents who let their kids call the shots. Drawing on twenty-five years of experience as a family psychologist, along with hundreds of interviews with children, parents, and teachers, Sax offers an urgent argument for why parents need to rethink their relationships with their children if they are to thrive in an increasingly complicated world.
Publisher: New York :, Basic Books, a member of the Perseus Books Group,, [2016]
Copyright Date: ©2016
ISBN: 9780465048977
Characteristics: vii, 287 pages ;,22 cm.

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c
Calvacade
Sep 12, 2018

Kids don't come with manuals, but this is a great read for parents that struggle with how to raise good citizens and the breakdown of those skills in our current society. You will be agreeing with much of what this book has to say. If you are not feeling it personally, you are seeing it around you.

m
MontMoroc
Aug 21, 2018

My Top 5 Takeaways from this great book:

1. Teach your child people skills
2. Stop sedating your kids with powerful psychiatric drugs
3. Spend time with your child
4. Teach your kids humility
5. Educate desire in your child

Top 5 Quotes:

1. “The job of the parent is to teach self-control. To explain what is and what is not acceptable. To establish boundaries and enforce consequences”

2. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. In other words, if you compel a child to behave virtuously, then when he is an adult he will continue to behave virtuously.”

3. “Train up children in the way they should go, and when they grow up and move away from home, you will have improved the odds.”

4. “People often believe that character causes action, but when it comes to producing moral children, we need to remember that action also shapes character. - Adam Grant

5. The average teenager spends 70 hours/week in front of a screen

Below, in a nutshell, are his best points:

-A shift today towards “soft parenting”
-The average teenager spends 70 hours/week in front of a screen
-Don’t praise smarts (or identity)— praise behavior
-More important today: Peers, sports, school, school activities. Less important: Parents.
-Teach your kids people skills
-Spend time with your child. Enjoy them.
-Sedating difficult kids with powerful psychiatric drugs is wrong
-It’s easier to give out a pill than to impose consequences for bad behavior
-“Your son has ADHD!” - shifts the burden of responsibility from the parent to the doctor
-This triad of diagnoses is BS: Autism spectrum / ADHD / Bi-polar
-Today’s students are fragile teacups. It does take much for them to give up and retreat.
-Today’s kids have ingratitude seasoned with contempt
-The question mark in your statements to your kids undermines your authority.
-“Let kids decide” - is harmful
-Your job as a parent is to educate desire
-Change your parenting? Nah! He has a brain disorder!
-There's a transfer of authority today from parents over to the kids
-Failure of parents to assert their authority
-The power differential today is gone:
-Male-female
-Employer-employee
-Parent-child
-Teacher-student
-Parents don’t teach social skills
-TV shows mock parents and undermine the importance of parents

n
nickster13
Apr 18, 2018

Oft-repeated, but it's a must-read for any new or long-time parents. It counters all the nonsensical "parents as friends" modern parenting with cold hard facts and solid writing. I got a lot from this book and so will you.

w
writermala
Apr 06, 2017

Leonard Sax's book is a no holds barred account of what is wrong with parenting today, and the consequent culture of disrespect among kids. More importantly, in North America medication is becoming increasingly the go to solution for bad behaviour and Dr. Sax suggests there is a lot of over-medication and unneeded prescribing of powerful drugs - uncalled for in most cases. In addition to pointing out the causes of bad behaviour Dr. Sax gives a prescription for correcting this and a means for parents to retake control.

ArapahoeJody Nov 29, 2016

Instead of asking "what harm can it do?", try asking "what good can it do?" when deciding if a child or an adult should make a decision. Sax tells of the danger of children left in charge of their futures with no guidance from parents or other adults. Children are raising each other and suffering for it.

m
mckeett
May 18, 2016

Well written and documented book with many examples about what Sax considers the right decisions to make when raising your children. I guess it helps that I agree mostly with what he says. He does back up his recommendations using case studies of large groups, as well as examples of many families from his own practice as an MD. I liked that some of his examples were pretty much the same issues in my family of five children.

h
hockeygrandma
Apr 30, 2016

i just half way through this and very interesting, i am a grandma just reading this for something to do , i do have kids and one teenage grandson , ,if yu can get a hold of this i really recommend it , i already have told sevral parents of which have teens , and afew of them have allready gone out and bought it

j
julia_sedai
Mar 22, 2016

This book is very interesting. It's easy to follow and he has a good point. Basically, Sax's argument is that the "culture of disrespect" so prevalent among children and teens is caused by bad parenting. He covers a lot of subjects: mental disorders and diagnoses, obesity, fragility and more. I recommend it if you are a parent or caregiver, or even if you just want something thought-provoking to read.

m
mgoblue
Mar 12, 2016

I found this book thoughtful and full of good ideas for me to ponder. I found a majority of Sax's information backed up by data, research, and fully supported. I would recommend this read to parents!

n
naturalist
Feb 23, 2016

alternatively,
“There Has Been No Collapse of Parenting – The bossy style espoused by physician Leonard Sax may be bad for kids.”
by Melinda Wenner Moyer, posted January 22, 2016, to Slate
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_kids/2016/01/leonard_sax_is_wrong_about_the_collapse_of_parenting_authoritarian_parenting.html

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